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Interpersonal Relationships: |
Communication at Home
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90% of communication is
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Dr. Ronald Taylor is the president and CEO of Family First, a non-profit organization in the U.S. that helps strengthen families. Dr. Taylor has led Family First for nearly nine years but has been working with families for fifteen years. Dr. Taylor has spoken nationally and internationally on topics that pertain to marriage and family, leadership, and motivating your work force.
Healthy communication is essential in any home. How often does one typically communicate in a one-on-one relationship? Every moment. Though we may not always be talking, we are always communicating. According to Will Smith’s character in the movie, Hitch: “60% of all human communication is non-verbal. 30% is tone. So, 90% of what you’re saying is not coming out of your mouth.” Probably one of the biggest problems in society is lack of or poor communication. This is evident even in American advertisements. Here are a few actual examples from signs and ads:
Knowing communication is likely to be an issue, here are a few basics about communication, which will help you in the home and, more specifically, with one-on-one relationships. The first principle to realize is that communication is more about listening than talking. Communication involves our mind, ears, and our mouth. It is not just about talking, but about listening to what the other person has to say. For example, men will typically get in more trouble from what they do not hear than from what they say. In combination with the importance of listening, we must be aware that there will be communication style differences in each relationship. Some differences will be endearing; some will be annoying. One person may communicate mainly by talking, but others may communicate mainly through body language. Since everyone has different styles, we need to learn each other’s styles and appreciate them. Second, watch out for ANTs (automatic negative thoughts). These are thoughts where you automatically assume the worst. When we communicate with each other, often times, in our minds, we build exactly what we think the other person is going to say. For example, a spouse might say, “I knew you would say that” or “you always say that.” Those are definitely ANTs. Spouses can often know what their husband or wife is going to say or how they will respond because they have been around each other so much. That can be a good thing, but it can also be detrimental if those thoughts and/or assumptions are always negative. Because communication is not just what you say or hear, but also what you think, if we always have ANTs in our relationships, healthy communication will not result. In fact, it will be torn down. Third, body language is a very important aspect in how we relate to each other. We say many things with our bodies. Our eyes, our stance, and our posture could communicate something stronger than our words. Therefore, we should show we are listening with our bodies, and we should be very intentional in how we come across when we are speaking. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ page 1 2 © Copyright – GHP – 2007 |
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